Through Heaven's Eyes

I accept the fact that God puts us through difficult situations to grow us as people. I understand that these are just seasons that everyone has to walk through. And I believe what the bible says about God’s plan for my life.

Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried your into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Jeremiah 29:7

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on my and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart . I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will brong you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Jeremiah 29:10-14

Since I read this passage, it’s like there was a light that went on in my head. This is where me life is right now. I have been separated. I am in exile, and I am turning and praying and seeking God with everything I have. I tried to take control of my life and everything got messed up. The reason that most of the relationships I formed up here got torn away from me is clear now. I was doing everything I could to distract myself from the path that God has for me. I sought after the things of this world and not the eternal perspective.  But I get it now. There is a dream in my heart from God, a plan for my life. And as I start fully seeking the Lord, then these things are going to start happening. 

I want to be a Midwife, and that is not my own dream. Every time I start to get excited about it, I give that excitement back to God, and He always gives it back to me. I will admit, I am afraid to start down the path. School was not easy for me. But then, neither was moving this far away from my family. I have realized that the man in my life is not the man I want, and I was given the opportunity to walk away from him and I took it. I was given a chance to place myself in the presence of people who will help me fly, not hold me down. 

I am walking in a time of separation, because it is through separation that God can elevate us to where we are going. He has caste me into exile and now I am seeking Him with my whole heart. And while I am in this season, I will commit to the job I have been given. It may not be my dream or my life goal, but I will do it to the best of my ability for as long as I am there. I will not be afraid of what m future holds. But my dreams will not die! My heart will not harden from this time. My dreams are real, my dreams are good, my dreams will come true…

Nothing goes as planned

Everything will break

People say goodbye

In their own special way

All that you rely on

And all that you could fake

Will leave you in the morning

Come find you in the day

You’re in my veins, and I cannot get you out

You’re all I taste, at night inside of my mouth

You run away, cause I am not what you found

Everything will change

Nothing stays the same

Nobody is perfect

But everyone is to blame

All that you rely on

And all that you can save

Will leave you in the morning

Will find you in the day

You’re in my veins, and I cannot get you out

You’re all I taste, at night inside of my mouth

You run away, cause I am not what you found

  No I cannot get you out

Everything is dark

It’s more than you could take

But you catch a glimpse of sunlight

Shining down on your face

You’re in my veins, and I cannot get you out

You’re all I taste, at night inside of my mouth

You run away, cause I am not what you found

Oh no, I cannot get you…

Lately, I have been pondering the question of “Why do we do these things to ourselves?” I mean really.  There are so many things in life that we put ourselves through when it is absolutely unnecessary. I mean really…we work for horrible bosses, we bend over backwards for people who don’t give a shit. Its ridiculous what we will do.

I use my dad as an example. He has done one thing is whole life: fix cars. He hates his job. Makes him miserable. But does he quit? Retire? Change careers? No. He continues doing the same job day after day. And he doesn’t do it quietly, no he complains the ENTIRE time!!! But secretly, I think he loves helping people, so he will bend over backwards, go out of his way, put his costumers in front of his family and himself, because he can’t watch people in trouble.

I guess that’s where I get it from. I have been working at the same job for almost a year now. Its the first real “adult” job. And I hate it! Ok, that’s a lie. I don’t hate my job, I don’t hate anything, but I could do with out my boss.

I know what your thinking. Oh poor you, everyone dislikes their boss.  This may be true and I am sure with good reason. I wondered when I started this job why everyone was asking me if I had applied at the other pool in town too. Now I know that its because this place sucks the life out of you.

At first I thought it was me, that I wasn’t made to be a supervisor, that I wasn’t good at leading people. I thought that having every staff that worked here quit was my fault. I thought that every time a member got mad it was my fault. Over time though, God opened my eyes and I was able to see the true colors of my boss. She is manipulative and dictating. She would give me an order, which I would carry down to my staff, and when things didn’t work out the way she wanted, Iw as the one to blame. I have started to realize that I am really quite good at this job, in fact I am great at it. And yes, things fall apart and things get messed up, but that isn’t my fault.

Unfortunately, all of this comes to late, my patience did last that long. I have a applied for better jobs where I think I can use my skills to better the company, and not as a scape goat for a controlling bitch….

Anyways, that is my rant for today. If you have a horrible boss, I am praying that you have the courage to stand up for yourself, or realize you deserve better and quit.